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Sex And Death Get Coffee

(Sex and Death are in line at Starbucks)

SEX:(whispering) Dude, you shoulda seen this tasty bitch I was with last night. Fucking insatiable. We screwed EVERYWHERE!! In the bedroom, in the bathroom, in the hallway-in the foyer. In the shit, in the shower, in the shave. Fuck-we did things Mr. K. Sutra hasn’t even invented yet! Everything but-“in the butt.”(sighs) Fucking exhausted…..

(the move ahead in line)

SEX:(to the barista) I’ll take a Triple/Vanilla Mocha Latte’ with a double shot of espresso.

(Death reaches for his wallet)

SEX: Oh no man…..I got this. How do you take your coffee?

DEATH: Black-

Best Author-on-Author Insults in History

  • Virginia Woolf on James Joyce: [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.
  • Harold Bloom on J.K. Rowling: How to read ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’? Why, very quickly, to begin with, and perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything better, Rowling will have to do.
  • H. G. Wells on George Bernard Shaw: An idiot child screaming in a hospital.
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson on Jane Austen: Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world.
  • William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
  • Ernest Hemingway on William Faulkner: Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
  • W. H. Auden on Robert Browning: I don’t think Robert Browning was very good in bed. His wife probably didn’t care for him very much. He snored and had fantasies about twelve-year-old girls.
  • Mark Twain on Jane Austen: Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
More-Hopper

More-Hopper

(Ir)responsible

maxmundan:

Sometimes,
When people say,
“God doesn’t give you
More than you can handle,”
I want to grab them by the collar,
Slap their smug, silly faces
And respond,
“Well, I’m glad God was so confident
In Sharon Tate’s resolve
And the inner strength
Of the people in Auschwitz.
What…

Sort of in an Edward Hopper mood-

evergreenwords:

I sung a melody unknown to me.

I hummed a little tune.

I began to dream of better days,

And I dreamt of days with you.

I lost my way in a forest.

I got lost amongst the pines.

I just took seat and thought,

I thought of better times.

The future is before us,

We must look ahead.

I’d rather make mistakes

Than be the girl who fled.

-s.z (In the Forest)

(via evergreenwords)

these are so frickin intense pls send me them

  • A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
  • B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
  • C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
  • D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
  • E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
  • F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
  • G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
  • H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
  • I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
  • J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
  • K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
  • L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
  • M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
  • N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
  • O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
  • P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
  • Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
  • R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
  • S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
  • T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
  • U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
  • V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
  • W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
  • X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
  • Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
  • Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.